Dishing the Dirt
She Said: My husband I agree that the key to a successful marriage is compromise.
He Said: Actually I said it was surprise blow jobs in the shower, and she said it was me “listening, really listening” to her dreams, so this whole compromise thing was the best we could come up with.
She Said: We also agree that each partner is going to bring into a marriage their way of doing things - how they like to cook spaghetti, make a bed or wash lettuce. I still think that lettuce spinner thing is way more work than it’s worth.
He Said: I agree with this on principle. So what if you hold a broom like a hockey stick and look ridiculous? The floor still gets swept (badly). However, there’s one task you do do that desperately needs changing.
She Said: Listen, the whole shower thing? Some days I don’t want to get my hair wet.
He Said: I was talking about how you do the dishes.
She Said: Oh. And what’s wrong with how I do the dishes?
He Said: Let’s start from the rinse. You take the plates and bring them to the sink. Then you take the fork from the dinner and jab at the food residue. We have scouring pads, scrub brushes, sponges, but you insist on using a fork. You might as well use a stick and go down to the creek.
She Said: At least I rinse. You shove everything into the dishwasher, no matter how food-encrusted or foul-smelling. Nothing more appetizing than grabbing a plate and finding fossilized food chunks.
He Said: And nothing more annoying than not being able to tell if the dishwasher is full or empty because you’ve pre-washed everything. And what about hand washing? Instead of filling up the sink with hot, sudsy water, you squirt detergent into each pan, then let the water run the whole time until you’re done. I hope that when the planet is out of fresh water, the robots rise up against you. You also leave the dishes in the rack… forever. You have never once put stuff away.
She Said: It’s called air drying. And I have put stuff away on occasion. You just don’t know about it because I do it quietly. You sound like you’re hosting a Greek wedding for the insane.
He Said: So we both suck at doing the dishes. There’s only one way to fix this problem.
She Said: Eat at restaurants every night?
He Said: I was going to say paper plates, but I like your idea better.
