For Better or Nurse… the Continuing Story
She Said: You’ve all read HeSaid’s falsified heroic account of his one-day illness: how he overcame a virus with only an hour in bed and a Hulkian desire for good health. (For Better or Nurse - Part one) Well let’s be clear - he was sick enough to pass on those filthy germs to me.
He Said: I told you not to hover while I hacked.
She Said: It’s true. My heart is forever being punished for loving too much. aaaahahahahahahahaha! Can you imagine? Anyway. I woke with stomach pain and a quick skip to the loo, my darling, and ended up swirling in my own vomitous delirium for the next four days. Here are some things that ran through my puke-addled mind:
- How do bulimics do it? I am throwing up 9 times a damn day and my jaw and neck and gut are in AGONY. They are staging a coup against me and soon my body will look like this (without the smile):
(SOURCE: http://www.ameramark.com)
- When does the next SpongeBob come on? This show is genius and the only thing capable of distracting me from the tapeworm that’s obviously shacked up inside my colon.
- God is everywhere! (this thought is accompanied by much weeping and a series of awkward body rolls on the bedroom floor) We just need to be grateful and loving, and stop feeling anxious. God is inside us ALL! I see him in the trees outside and not the way my crazy 11th grade French teacher said she saw Jesus sitting in a tree, swinging his sandaled feet. In a REAL way, like he IS the tree, do you get it??
(He Said: If there is a God, I want Him to take note that when I was sick, I slept on the couch, and when you were sick, I also slept on the couch. I do and do and do for you.)
- Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
- “I just threw up in my mouth a little” is something unfunny people who think they’re funny say a lot. But I just threw up in my hand because I couldn’t make it to the bathroom on time… where I threw up in the sink because I couldn’t make it to the toilet on time. Now who’s funny?!
- Oh my GOD, why does it hurt to put on pants? Not jeans - my giant pink sweats with the gaping elastic waist band. Ohhh, they’re hurting my sickly thighs!
(He Said: You think you had it bad? I had to look at you in those things.)
- Get me some more ginger ale! And a piece of toast! Where ARE YOU???????
- I shall stay in this bed forever…
He Said: If I could, I would have taken all your sickness and transferred it to my body.
She Said: Aww!
He Said: ’Cause it would’ve been less painful than being your indentured slave. I now know what this poor slob on Downton Abbey feels like.
(SOURCE: http://www.kathryngreeleydesigns.com/blog)
