He Said:  The photo below is not from Sephora.  It is not an over-eager AVON lady’s sales kit.  It is my wife’s lipstick.  All of it.


She Said:  This photo makes me crazily happy.  And deeply ashamed.  Plus, it’s not “all” because there’s a few tubes back in my Toronto hotel.

He Said:  Awesome.  Now, I get that people like to collect things or overindulge.  I have three TiVos in use (a spare one in the closet) and I still want the newest model.  It should be pointed out, however, that I have three TVs.  SheSaid only has one pair of lips… that can be painted in 65 different colors.

She Said:  Heh heh, fun fact: they’re all pretty similar in color.  I have some big goals in life, but one small one is finding that perfect pinky-beige lipstick.  (NOTE: I think it’s MAC’s “Blankety” but I like to keep looking…)

I was going through airport security awhile ago and a customs officer opened my makeup bag.  Other officers gathered round as he took out one lipgloss after another, then asked, “Wow, lady, do you have some kind of fetish?”  After going all “Julianne Moore in Magnolia" on him for calling me lady, I said yes, but oddly, it has nothing to do with lip gloss.

He Said:  I sometimes imagine what it might be like if our future-slash-imaginary child came to me with tears in her eyes and asked, “Daddy, why can’t I have toys like the other kids?”  I could only shake my head and say, “Sweetie, you’ll have to ask your mother’s lips.  Now go play with your string.”

She Said:  Oh well.  It makes me happy. 

He Said:  Will you still be happy when you end up on Hoarders?  Or better yet, Intervention?  Maybe your sister will lure you into a hotel room with the promise of sparkled, lippy goodness, but you’ll be greeted by the solemn faces of your parents and me, and the bald, creepy face of Jeff VanVonderen…


Jeff VanVonderen: “You’re here today because people love you.  They also think you’re batshit insane.  I don’t have time to sugarcoat it.”

He Said:  Then you’d probably say, “Sugarcoat?  OMG, I’m wearing a lipgloss named Sugarrimmed right now.  Can you tell?!”  Then your mother would cry, your dad would shake his head and whistle an old show tune, and your sister would ask to have any lipstick you’re no longer using.

She Said:  Uh huh… I don’t know if you’re aware, but TiVo Premiere XL is DHX certified and records 150 hours of programming. 

He Said:  I’ll drop you off at Sephora on my way to Best Buy.

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#lipstick collection

#he said she said



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