She Said: Last week, we heard about a special screening hosted by the Writers Guild Foundation and KCRW so you thought we should go. I didn’t want to. Not because I don’t enjoy doing things with you, but because I do enjoy spending my evenings at home and pantless.
He Said: It was only when I said I was taking someone else that you suddenly wanted to go.
She Said: No way some other loser’s going out on my dime!
He Said: It was for Mike Birbiglia’s Sleepwalk with Me and we’d definitely heard great things…
She Said: We went, but showed up an hour early because you misread the time and I didn’t read it at all. The doors didn’t even open for another 20 minutes, so I went to CVS to look for that colored mascara from Maybelline that’s only out for August and no CVS store has it! I’ve only seen ONE tube (green) at RiteAid the entire month. Stupid promotion!! I want the turquoise one and it’s already September!!!
He Said: Fascinating stuff. Maybe you can go on This American Life and get Ira Glass to make a movie about you! Anyway, by the time you got back from smearing makeup on your wrist, the doors were open. I enjoyed several tasty appetizers while you sat in a corner and drank.
She Said: I have no argument with that accurate description of us partying.
He Said: Suddenly, you banged my elbow. I was so startled, I kicked my wine glass across the carpet, but we didn’t care because AVENGERS director, Buffy creator and the man who brought us Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along, Joss Whedon was there! Although, I will say that this may have been the only room in the world where Ira Glass was getting a more excited response than a 10 billion dollar film maker.
She Said: Both were posing for pictures with star and writer Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) who is criminally cute. You want to kiss him on the lips, then smack him in the face then whack him on the back and yell, “Well done, sir!” That sounds horrifically patronizing, but I can assure you, it’s complimentary in a very sexy way.
He Said: Next I felt your nails dig into my arm with a ferocity I’ve never experienced before, not even when my brother was using it as a method of torture to force me to abandon my plumb spot in front of the TV. All I heard in my ear was: “OhmygodohmygodohmygodlookitlookitlookitholyshititsTomHanks.”
She Said: It was America’s male sweetheart, TOM HANKS!!! Two-time Academy Award Winner, Tom Hanks! Life is like a box of chocolates, I know what love is, Tom Hanks! The guy who made us cry for a volleyball and a toy cowboy! Who deserved the handsomest lover Antonio Banderas, and the prettiest girlfriend Donna Dixon! Oh, you didn’t watch Bosom Buddies? For shame.
He Said: It was, indeed, Tom Hanks. And he looked cool. Relaxed, fit, calm, confident and all that is right and decent in the world.
She Said: When we went into the theater (after you walked awkwardly by him seven times), we saw more celebrities: Tim Robbins! Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman! Comedian and star of the brilliantly hilarious The League, Nick Kroll! Kristen Schaal of Bob’s Burgers and The Daily Show! Weird Al Yankovic!??! Sleazeball Harry Crane (Rich Sommer) from Mad Men who seemed very nice, and a couple people we didn’t recognize until we saw photos the next day!
He Said: So yes, we were a little giddy and starstruck and excited we’d made the effort to put on pants and leave the house. But celebrity sightings aside, this is one hell of a movie. The last time I remember an audience laughing so hard and so often in a screening was at my birthday party when my dad piled my friends into the station wagon and we all saw The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again.
She Said: Yes, your 40th was a special night. Here’s the thing, we are not movie critics. Although we do love sitting in front of the TV denouncing The Newsroom's depiction of women.
He Said: Sometimes when you watch, you get so mad, you walk into a glass door! Repeatedly. While shrieking and hitting me with a pillow.
She Said: Ladies be crazy! Anyway, Sleepwalk with Me is heartfelt and hilarious. It makes you feel bad as well as less alone for all the times you acted like a jerk in a relationship.
He Said: Actually, I’ve never been anything but a prince in my break-ups.
She Said: You once dumped a girl, then dropped her off at a bus stop in the middle of a Calgary winter so you could go bowling with your friends.
He Said: I knew I should never have told you that story.
She Said: I once broke up with a guy my whole family loved, then handed him a letter written by my mom about how much she liked him. “Yeah, we’re done. But my mom? Thinks you’re AWESOME!”
He Said: Anyway, that’s the great thing about Sleepwalk with Me. It lets you see the other side of things - the other perspective in a relationship. And being a former stand-up, I could definitely relate to its road stories. The other cool thing: Mike Birbiglia said his real-life ex saw the movie and was very moved, which I think is an amazing endorsement.
She Said: You can’t even get your exes to accept your friend requests on Facebook. The best part of the evening, well besides seeing our friend Henry Philips (@henlips) in the film—
He Said: — Was reading about Henry’s Showtime deal that his movie Punching the Clown is in development to be a series?! Also, there were some amazing performances by: Lauren Ambrose, Hannibal Buress, Wyatt Cenac, Jessi Klein, John Lutz, Marc Maron and Lucy DeVito. (who was also there.)
She Said: That’s thrilling, but I was gonna say, Mike and Ira talked about the whole process - brutal early screenings with NO laughs, even though the one-man show it’s based on was a huge hit. They edited and re-shot and just kept making it better and better.
He Said: That was super encouraging to hear. Like any Q&A, though, it had its Mortifying Guy who asks a Stupid Question. This dude started off berating Mike for being so funny and charming on stage, then guffawed that he was just joking and the actual writers in the room welcomed Mike with open arms, despite his background. Then he stood there rambling, question-free, until Mike reminded him it wasn’t Open Mike Night.
She Said: Amaaaaaazing! Eventually, he had to be escorted out. Guys: if you ask questions at these panels, just. Ask. Questions. Don’t list your credits or critique the writer’s on-stage style or discuss a relative’s mysterious illness. People in the audience were Macaulay Culkin-ing till they carted this guy off.
He Said: Bottom Line: run, don’t sleepwalk, to Sleepwalk with Me.
She Said: (stares, shakes head, tsk.)
He Said: It’s not too late to drop you off at some bus stop, you know.