Conversion: The Spouse to English Dictionary
(SOURCE: http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/marriage)
Why don’t we say what we mean?
Wouldn’t it be simpler?
Well…
Let’s see…
He Said: You should wear your hair in a ponytail. TRANSLATION: I saw a hot chick at the gym with a ponytail.
He Said: Do you want any of this leftover pizza? TRANSLATION: I already ate it.
He Said: How much longer before you’re ready? I’m hungry. TRANSLATION: We’re going to the same sushi place we go to almost every Friday. Nobody there gives a shit how your eye makeup looks. Well, maybe put your hair in a ponytail.
He Said: Uhm… you may not want to go in the bathroom right now. TRANSLATION: We have to burn the house down and rebuild.
He Said: I love you more than love even knows. TRANSLATION: Can I get sex?
She Said: Did you see Ashton Kutcher on the cover of Men’s Health? I mean, massive cheating loser, obviously! But he talks about his workout routine. TRANSLATION: Please look like him.
She Said: Oh, wow, a whole marathon of Storage Wars. TRANSLATION: You watch a show about lockers, you don’t get to mock me for watching The Bachelor.
She Said: She’s cute. Weird hair, though. TRANSLATION: Stop ogling that weird haired chick.
She Said: Who’s winning? TRANSLATION: I couldn’t care less who’s playing, just tell me when the game’s over.
She Said: Do you notice a weird smell? TRANSLATION: Your toxic work-out clothes are creating an in-home Abu Ghraib.
So, yeah. Maybe honesty isn’t always the best policy.
