I Do Already

(SOURCE: http://www.fanpop.com)

She Said:  Last year, I Do Already did a guest post on Max-Logic, a smokin’ sex and relationship blog from writer Maxine. (http://max-logic.com/) It was one of our most successful posts, partly because it was so much fun, but mostly because her blog is way, way more popular than ours.  It’s not hard to see why, with smart, sensitive and sexy posts, seven days a week.

He Said:  This time, we invited Max to join us in our version of her traditional “Any Ten on Tuesday…” except we picked the 10 questions ourselves.  We’re lazy.  Let us begin!

SEX QUIZ FOR THREE

Q:  You come home to find your partner waiting for you naked at the door.  What do you do?

He Said:  Assume it’s laundry day and my wife wants no dirty clothes left behind.

She Said:  Apologize to the friend we invited for dinner, then tweet about it.

Max Said:  Check the apartment number on the door to make sure I was in the right place.  But that begs another question: why would I not recognize Mr. Max with his clothes off?  I don’t have an answer for that.

Q:  Who’s #1 on your Freebie Five?

She Said:  Taylor Kitsch, aka Friday Night Lights’ Tim Riggins.

He Said:  Taylor Kitsch.

Max Said:  Taylor Kitsch.

Q:  What do you think of anonymous sex?

He Said:  I much prefer Alcoholics Anonymous sex.  That’s where you go through 12 steps apologizing for how bad it was.

She Said:  I’m into Eponymous sex: every position’s named after me.

Max Said:  I think it’s way easier to pretend I’m fucking Ryan Gosling when I don’t know the dude’s name.

Q:  Have you ever incorporated food into your love making?

He Said:  Please.  I do all the cooking as it is, I don’t need to figure out what kind of vegetable goes with vagina.  Plus, my wife’s a picky eater.  She’d be all, “That better be organic yogurt you’re spooning into my bum crack!”

She Said:  It’s hard to incorporate food into sex because I think I’d always hear my mom’s voice saying, “Make sure you chew each piece 32 times!”

Max Said:  Back in my chunky days, my boyfriend once smeared Cinnabon icing all over my body as foreplay.  But we were both such fatties, we were more focused on licking the icing (that shit was delicious) than giving each other pleasure.  So it was a bit of a bust.

Q:  Have you ever watched porn with your mate?

He Said:  Absolutely!  sometimes it’s a whole minute before she clears her throat to let me know she’s standing right behind me.

She Said:  No, but I did make him watch The Bachelorette with me, and that’s sort of like porn because one woman with low self-esteem is fucked over by a dozen douche bags.

Max Said:  I tend not to allow my boyfriends to look at anything other than me when we’re in the same room.

Q: Have you ever considered a threesome?

He Said:  Of course, but only because I’ve always wanted to make a naked human pyramid.

She Said:  Actually, a foursome, with our cleaners Jose and Cece.  It would be the best way to assure that they make the bed.  God knows, HeSaid’s never going to make it.

Max Said:  Been there, done that, discovered that the expression “more than a mouthful is a waste” is real talk.

Q:  Have you ever used costumes and role play in your love making?

He Said:  I once suggested a French maid costume, but my wife took that as a dig about her house cleaning skills and we ended up getting in a fight.

She Said:  Not in love making, but other times, I’ll dress up as a good wife.  Not The Good Wife, just a random one who’s better than me at being all helpy and spousey.

Max Said:  No… unless putting on a push up bra and pretending to be aroused counts as costumes and role play.

Q:  Do you have any fantasies that have yet to be explored?

He Said:  All of them.

She Said:  I have not yet had sex in a Sephora, but not for lack of trying.  In a related story, I may be banned from several malls in the general… global region.

Max Said:  I’ve always had a fantasy about putting a paper bag over a man’s head and then making love to him.  This is so ideal.  Not just because I wouldn’t have to hear whatever dumb shit he says, but also because I fuck a lot of sweaty dudes, and the bag would catch the sweat before it had a chance to drip off his nose and burn my eyes.  I really hate that.

Q:  Have you ever made love in a public place?  Or are you a fan of voyeurism?

He Said:  When we have sex to my live albums, I like to wave to the pretend audience.  Especially when they clap.

She Said:  I once saw a guy giving another guy a blow job in the alley behind a popular West Hollywood diner.  It’s not called the Eat Well for nothing.

Max Said:  I’m not gonna lie to you - I did once get it popping at a Dunkin’ Donuts.  But it was in another country, so that doesn’t count.

Q:  When it comes to the sounds of sex, are you loud or quiet?

He Said:  Depends.  Am I with my wife, or is she in the next room?

She Said:  I didn’t think I was that loud, but after one time, all the neighbors lined up to high-five my husband.

Max Said:  Fake orgasms are way more believable when you make a lot of noise.

Q:  I guess the only thing left to ask is… which one of you is Joyce DeWitt?

(SOURCE: http://www.popcrunch.com)