She Said: I’m taking over I DO ALREADY to write about one of the greatest movies in the wooorrrllldd!
It’s totally blog-related, though, because if Thelma’d had a great husband, the entire movie would never have happened.
The title is what she says to a cop she’s about to lock in the trunk of his car. She apologizes for her behavior, but says if he met her husband, he’d understand. Then she warns him to be sweet to his wife.
"My husband wasn’t sweet to me, look how I turned out."
It all comes back to that jack-ass Darryl.
Thelma and Louise is over 20 years old. The fact it holds up so perfectly both warms and breaks my little heart. I mean, aside from the heinously unflattering high-waisted jeans, has anything changed?
SPOILERS for anyone who has yet to see this glorious masterpiece.
Callie Khouri won an Oscar for it, and deserved that golden statue more than anyone in life has deserved anything. There wasn’t an Act One Break that powerful before, and there hasn’t been one since.
Thelma starts the movie with curly, coiffed hair, sparkly eyeshadow and a ton of lipgloss. Louise’s hair is a little tighter than her personality, but not quite so buttoned up as her shirt.
But as time goes on, they loosen up. They get tans, they get confidence, they get laid - “properly” as Louise says. They become more of who they really are. And they take shit from exactly no one.
I forgot how gorgeous they both are. Geena Davis is like a tall, goofy Kim Basinger, and Susan Sarandon is, well, sublime.
THAT ACT BREAK
I want to talk about it some more, because, oh my God. When that creep says, “I shoulda gone ahead and fucked her,” and then Louise goes “What’d you say?” and he goes, “I said suck my cock,” I wanted her to kill him. No, more than that. I sat up in my chair, literally shaking, and said OUT LOUD (because I was alone), “Kill him. Kill him, kill him, kill him.”
And she does.
And it was like my world split open.
Because as much as I wanted it, that’s how much I didn’t think it would happen. When does it ever happen? Or when had it ever, since it was 1991, and it was an overworked waitress, not a superhero in a tight costume, a teenager on a dystopian island or Angelina Jolie.
For guys, it happens all the time. All. The. Time. They kill someone for comic fucking relief.
Remember this scene? (yep, all my references will be SUPER DATED)
I saw this in a theater and the audience screamed, clapped and laughed. And there were zero consequences for what he did.
The whole story of Thelma & Louise is the consequence of what Louise did. When you watch a YouTube clip of the movie, there’s always comments like, “Why didn’t they go to the police? Could’ve saved themselves a lotta trouble!” (well, usually it’ll say could OF, but whatever).
Excuse me, Internet Commenter, but they totally deal with this in the movie. Louise is fully aware of the severity of what she did. And Thelma wants to go to the police. But Louise says, everyone saw her dancing cheek to cheek with that guy all night, who are they going to believe? ”We don’t live in that kind of world!” she screams.
CUT TO: 20 years later/1 week ago, and there’s a sketch on the amazing “Inside Amy Schumer” where she’s playing an army video game. Her character gets raped. She’s asked if she wants to press charges. YES, she yells. An image pops up of the soldier with his family. ”Are you sure? He has a family!” She sees it through, files a ton of paperwork, he’s convicted. And then his commanding officer gets the charges lifted and he’s free.
So yeah. We don’t live in that kind of world.
Two things to remember:
1. “Inside Amy Schumer” is brilliant.
2. Louise saved her friend from getting raped. But she killed the guy for what he said. In case there’s any doubt, she leans over his dead body and says quietly, “You watch your mouth, buddy.”
A lot of men FREAKED when this movie came out, saying it was anti-male. Um, it’s anti-rapist and anti-asshole, so if you fall into one of those categories, then yeah, you suck. Otherwise? It’s got Michael Madsen as Louise’s lovelorn boyfriend, Harvey Keitel as the nicest cop in the US, oh, and Brad- ”I finally understand what all the fuss is about now!” -Pitt
As JD, he gave Thelma the best sex of her life. Then he stole all their money, putting them in so much jeopardy, Harvey Keitel smashed him repeatedly over the head with his own cowboy hat. But still.
It’s Brad fucking Pitt.
FACT: My two favorite movies, this one and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, have the greatest endings of all time. Also, the most parodied… but that’s because they’re the greatest.
Watch this. If you haven’t seen it in 20 years, you will fall in love again, hard. If you’ve never seen it, well, first of all, I have seriously spoiled this movie for you. Wow! I told you to stop reading. But I predict you will be stunned.
And you will agree it’s important to be sweet to your wife.
Cecily Strong KILLED it, too.